like beans in the yard, baby

did i mention, out here in septic land, that our garbage disposal is "off limits"?

we have one. nicely installed, and all, in a beautiful 4 foot designer sink. but septic rules dictate that we do not, in fact, actually put said garbage disposal to use.

something about egg shells and coffee grounds and baked beans mucking up the system.

so the other night we attended a 'back to school fish fry" put on by the neighborhood. 112 homes reside in our little gated community so we decided to take a big batch of beans, knowing they can sit out by the pool for a little while before turning bad, like potato salad.

being new here and all, i DID NOT want to be the one responsible for the homicidal potato salad at the back to school fish fry.

so we show up with about 10 gallons of beans, as does everyone else in the neighborhood, and we came home with about 9.75 gallons of beans.

i put some in the fridge and then set the bowl on the counter.

and it sat there. and it sat there. and it sat there.

a couple of days later, john asked me what the "bean plan" was.

"bean plan"?

"bean plan?"

truth is, HONEY, i don't know what to DO with the beans.

can't throw them in the trash. they'll leak and smell before the trash is picked up.

can't put 'em down the garbage disposal 'cause, as i said before, we CAN'T ACTUALLY USE OUR GARBAGE DISPOSAL.

at this point, i'm tempted to just walk the big giant bowl of fermenting beans out to the back, back yard and start flinging them in to the nuclear-fertilized grass with a big giant ladle.

after all, if i actually USED MY GARBAGE DISPOSAL that's where they'd wind up anyway. so, really, i'm just bypassing the system. i'm just accelerating the process.

john, however, thought that might be a bad idea. might ruin all the good will we've built up with our neighbors. the beans are now sitting in his workshop.