i'll take the chapstick for two thousand pat

this better be dang good chapstick.

you see, we recently purchased a CAR, which is pretty cool given that we'd spent 20 years taking things like snowdrifts taller than our house in to consideration when buying vehicles. this fact pretty much kept us in the SUV/4WD category for a lot of years.

after we bought our new CAR the nice car dealership people sent us packing with the grownup version of a birthday party treat bag ... a bottle of wine ... a couple of nifty coffee cups ... john got a baseball cap and i got a $25 gift card to Saks Fifth Avenue.

cool.

now, as you know, we live pretty close to the Bass Pro Shops but not too close to a Saks.

Bass Pro Shops tossed me out on my hiney when i tried to cash in my $25 Saks gift card on a camouflage teddy. you know, to give john a little valentine's thrill. so, this evening, i resorted to shopping at http://www.saks.com/ with the clearly defined mission of spending no more than the $25 on the gift card. including tax and shipping and the oh so mysterious "handling" charges.

HA

HAHAHHAHAHA

i looked. i mean i really, really looked. then i looked some more.

then it became an obsessive mission ... find the ONE THING on http://www.saks.com/ that costs less than $25.

chapstick.

yep, chapstick.

"sugar" chapstick to be specific.

i was so excited ... evidently sugar chapstick will only run ya $22.50.

tax on sugar chapstick is gonna cost ya $1.41.

shipping and "handling" clocks in at a low low price of $4.00.

"but wait", sayeth you math wizards. "that adds up to $27.91"

well, yes, i did have to put $2.91 on my credit card in order to have my sugar chapstick delivered right to my homebound lips.

i was feeling pretty good, and all, licking my chops in anticipation of my new sugar chapstick jetting its way to my poor chapped lips.

sugar chapstick. i bet brad pitt wears sugar chapstick.

and then i reached for my trusty tin of carmex in order to soothe my newly chapped lips and realized i just spent $27.91 on CHAPSTICK.

$27.91 on CHAPSTICK. oh yeah, i got a smokin' deal.

all i've got to say is it better taste better than the grape Bonnie Bell lipsmackers i used to wear on a cord around my neck in grade school. well, i wore it looped around my neck until the day i left it hanging on my mirror and my little brother dustin broke in to my bedroom and ate the entire tube of grape Bonnie Bell lipsmackers and got sick.

i'll let ya know how my newly sugared $27.91 lips turn out.