would it be wrong to have my dog stuffed?

i'm just wondering 'cause aunt bea is in "killer bea" mode right now.

she's chewing up the backyard at a rate of about $100 a day.

today it was the brand new grill cover and the hose to the "creepy crawly" pool cleaner.

so, i'm wondering, really, if the kids would notice if i took her down to the taxidermist and had her stuffed and mounted on wheels.

the kids could roll her around the neighborhood.

riley wouldn't have to pick up poop.

wyatt could still ride her around.

i love the dog. i really do. but the chewing thing ... well, if she survives the night i'm considering one of those hannibal lector masks from silence of the lambs. 'cause i suspect she could chew a standard dog muzzle right off her face.

i guess that's what 11 month old lab puppies do.

john went out this morning and yelled at her when he discovered she'd targeted his grill.

now, it's personal. a man and his grill.

then he stomped back in to the kitchen with wet feet and proceeded to slip and fall on his butt right there on the tile floor.

bad dog karma.

i love you john for yelling at our dog and taking the fall for me 'cause i was in more of a mindset of "wanna eat the grill cover? really? well, let's just see you eat the entire grill cover right here. right now. go on you big tough grill-cover-eatin' dog."

speaking of taxidermists ... my stepbrother once went on a "corporate hunting trip" down at the king ranch (that's the kind of thing you do when you work for a big oil company).

he shot a turkey and as part of the boondoggle trip his hosts offered to have it mounted for him and shipped to chicago, where he was living at the time.

about a month later a freight delivery truck shows up with an enormous crate.

yep, it's the turkey. he'd failed to realize as it was laying there dead on the ground that it had a wingspan of, like, 8 feet and the taxidermist had mounted it in full flight.

it was HUGE and being a man and all, he actually hung that thing from his ceiling. obviously, this happened back in his bachelor days when it was actually an option to display dead stuff in his house without getting divorced.

oh, another taxidermy thought ... grandma cox once got riley a cute little stuffed kitty to put on her bed.

except that cute little stuffed kitty caused the same allergic reaction as the cute little live kitty we'd had to get rid of when riley's face swelled shut the day we brought the cat home. that and the cute little stuffed kitty was actually mounted on a board and looked so lifelife riley's babysitter wouldn't go into her bedroom 'cause it gave her the "creeps".

so, i ask grandma "where'd ya get the cute little stuffed kitty?" and she proceeds to tell me she found the greatest store that had all these stuffed animals that were "so incredibly lifelike".

ewwwwwwwwwww.

yep, we've already owned a stuffed cat ... a stuffed dog can't be too far behind.