anything but fondue

we went over to my mom's house the other night for my early birthday dinner.

it's been a long time since she's put on a home-cooked birthday meal like the kind she pulled off so effortlessly when we were kids.

a couple of weeks ago she asked me what i'd like to have her cook for my birthday and before i could answer she quickly qualified her offer with "ANYTHING BUT FONDUE".

dang.

see, when we were kids, fondue was THE birthday meal. and my brother steven, being born just a week before me - albeit three years later, always wanted the same menu.

so for a month our lives revolved around fondue.

now, we didn't do any sissy "warm cheese/melted chocolate" fondue. sure that was there too but the centerpiece of our fondue experience was like something out of a medieval horror show.

vats of boiling oil on the table, platters of raw meat we picked up with our fingers and stabbed on to forks long enough to poke your brother's eye out without even leaning over.

we loved it.

mom was always a complete baset case on "fondue night".

i mean, really, i've got two kids and on the rare occasion we fry up some bacon they won't step in to the kitchen without their swim goggles on, just in case there happens to be a wild smattering of grease aimed right for their eyes.

three kids and boiling oil at the dinner table? if someone banged their knee on the table leg we all dove for cover as the oil splashed around in the fondue pots like the tide was rolling in.

then, of course, there were the "fondue fork sword fights" - with or without the meat on the fork you can still pin your brother's scrawny little hand to the table. trust me, i've done it.

not long after we were married john and i went to a fondue restaurant in denver. "the melting pot", i believe it was. i was in heaven and john's summary of the evening went something like this:

"that's a lot of money to pay to cook your own food."

oh, he missed the heart of the culinary experience. see, i think it's something about the element of danger involved: there could be permanent disfigurements. multiple stabbings. all in the name of fine dining.

danger mixed with cheese and chocolate. yum.